I used to wonder why you wouldn't go out with me? You thought I’d crush you 
Whoo, Hoo, Hoo

I remember once I tripped and you ran for cover thinking I'd crush you 
(your friend too)
Cause she thinks I'm larger, than a dodge charger
Now I know that I ain't that fat? (But he's pretty damn close?)
And although there's a pain in my chest
It's not a cardiac arrest so I wont fall over and 
Crush you 
Whoo, Hoo, Hoo

Well I'm fat and harry, And It must be scary
Thinking that I wanna have sex with you
Cause I like being on top, and your afraid that i’ll drop
And the search party will never find you


I pity the fooooool, those chicken wings are making me drool
(If only they were bigger)
(He's gonna eat em all i fig)
Whooooo, Buffet line I got news for you
I'm gonna be here for a while suckers

And on the trampoline you get that worried look on
your face thinking I might crush you.
Whoo, Hoo, Hoo

I can't bounce myself but I could launch you deep into space
But I wont crush you
(or your friend too)
Cause that bitch gets all bitchy whenever I’m tipsy
Now I ain’t gonna fall on you? (Better run for your life)
And I was only sitting down so you don't have to leave town cause I wont Crush you 
Whoo, Hoo, Hoo

Well now I gotta, try to get in my Miata
meet Jenny Craig and loose some weight
But when I called em up, they gave me Jenny’s cell phone
I think Jenny just needed a date.

Cause what you don't know slick, is Jenny likes em thick
(Even though now she's skinny)
(She likes em round like a penny)
Whooo Hooo
Think she wants to play with my dick
Well it's under there somewhere honey. 

So now I'm laying on top of Jenny Craig
And I'm like I won't, crush you 
Whoo, Hoo, Hoo
Oh baby we can do it again
you don't have to beg and I wont crush you 
(your friend too)
Cause she's says she's not gay, but she likes the three-way
Now you know thats freaking hot? (In your case its not)
But now I gotta roll over and somebodies screwed
But I wont crush you
Whoo, Hoo, Hoo

Now baby, baby, baby, why’d you wanna leave me hungry like that?

(you’re fat, you’re fat, you’re fat)
A little piece of toast and a rice cake is all that i've had.
(still fat, still fat, still fat)
Uh! Whhhy? Uh! Whhhy? Uh!
Why’d you take away the chicken wings
Oh! I'm hungry.oh!
I'm still hungry. Oooh!

Oh fuck this shit, I’m eating everything

Well now I can barley move, let alone get on top so I won't crush you
Whoo, Hoo, Hoo
And now one of my testicles is about to drop but it wont crush you 
(your friend too)
Just move my bedpan , and hop on me woman
You can ride me all night long (Like Jaba the hutt)
But then you grabbed all your clothes and you walked out the door I was like 
Fuck you! I mean forget you baby